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Don’t Pee on Fellow Runners and Other Things to Know About the Bay to Breakers Race

The world’s most unorthodox foot race is this weekend — you can’t prepare for something like this, so here are a few things to at least be aware of.

No pee sign

Nowadays, there are Tough Mudders, and marathons, and all sorts of other types of races out there—from 1Ks to 5Ks to 10Ks and more.

I say screw ‘em all: I’m a Bay2Breakers kind of guy.

Bay2Breakers

Bay to Breakers

You’ll be hard pressed to argue my point. I mean, the race has been around for 101 years. Also, it was named by ESPN as one of the top things every sports fan must do before they die.

Those are two pretty strong points, but here’s the best: this race attracts all sorts of participants, from runners to walkers to some of the most outrageously dressed — and undressed — runners this side of the West Coast.

Naked runner

Simply put: San Francisco’s Bay to Breakers race is more than another fun run — it’s a party in motion.

The Bay to Breakers race will be held this Sunday, May20th from 7am – 12:00pm. There’s a wave start based on how fast you think you can finish the 12K race (7.46 miles). If you can’t keep up with the pack, join a lower one. Seriously, this isn’t the event to try and see if you can keep up with others. There are some runners here who won’t think twice about shoulder checking your turkey trotting behind out of the way:

• Corral A – Estimated finishing time: under 59:00 minutes (8-minute mile)
• Volkswagen Corral B – Estimate finishing time: under 1:15:00 minutes (10-minute mile)
• Hyatt Regency San Francisco Corral C – Estimated finishing time: under 1:30:00 minutes (12-minute mile)
• Corral D – Estimated finishing time: under 2:00:00 minutes (walk/run 16-minute mile)
• Corral E – Estimated finishing time: over 2 hours (walk/run)

Corral A and B are already sold out, so if you’re reading this now and debating on joining, might I suggest one of the other “You Snooze, You Lose” packs?

You snooze you lose

If you plan on walking or jogging the race, for the love of Nike, stay to the right. Runners go to the left. It’s typical rules of the road here, which means if you get in the way, you’ll probably hear some unkind words, maybe get a finger or two, or otherwise have a roll of quarters thrown at your head.

There’s no alcohol allowed at the race. WINK WINK. Here’s the dealio: the race almost didn’t happen this year because residents along the route are frustrated having to always deal with drunken douchebags in front of their home. As a result, there will be an alcohol patrol going around this year. So the rule’s simple — if you’re gonna drink, don’t be a douche.

Passed out drunk

Don’t use wheels. That means no strollers, shopping carts, roller blades, unicycles, bikes, wheelbarrows, mopeds, Hummers . . . it’s cheating.

Keep your dog at home. Leave your cat behind. Put your bird in its cage. There are no animals allowed here. No need for the barking, the leashes, the poop. Especially the poop. Nobody wants to step in poop.

stepping in poop

Don’t wear a diaper when running the race (yes, there is documented proof that people have done this before). There are going to be over 1000 porta johns on site. 1000! Use them. Don’t pee on trees. Don’t pee on buildings. And definitely don’t pee on your fellow racers.

Runners peeing

The last thing is probably the biggest – LEAVE ONLY YOUR FOOTPRINTS. If you have trash, throw it out in the garbage. Don’t leave your costumes and signs in front of someone’s home. And make sure to clean up your empty beer soda bottles.

Going away advice: Don’t be a douche. Bring a wearable portable speaker so you can bring the party with you wherever you go. And whatever you do, have an awesome time. It’s hard not to when you’re here.

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